Monday, 26 September 2016

Curiosity, thy name is Frank.

In the programme of life, Frank is the ad break. When he comes on you know you should be doing something else; putting the wee on, going for a kettle, but instead you find yourself sat there, watching crap that's of no use to anyone....that's Frank in a nutshell. No really, that's Frank trying to get into a nutshell. Stupid arse. 
There's nothing he won't get stuck in; 

boxes (as modelled by Bill)


under dresses (can't say I blame him)

washing machines

dvd players


bacon sandwiches

backs of sofas.

In his youth he was much younger and also smaller. In those days the back of the sofa might as well have been a palatial mansion. Unfortunately, while the rest of his body grew, his peanut for a brain didn't. He still thinks he can fit under there but his penchant for Dreamies and pretty much everything on your plate, have meant there's no more room for manoeuvres. 
The most annoying part is that the sofa isn't on casters so it's a real effort to rescue him. He's not a fat cat, (especially after the multi-conglomerate fired him for insider trading of IBM preferred stock which he tried to funnel through the Cayman Islands under the name of 'I.Meowsalot'), but he is very long. 
When he's watching the noisy picture box he takes up the space of two full grown biscuit munching adults. 

He likes to watch Bake Off, not for the recipes but because he wants to climb up Mary Berry's face and use Paul's beard as a scratch post. Frank doesn't care much for Mel & Sue, he thinks that anyone who stems from Cambridge and who were members of Footlights should be waaaaay funnier. The again, Frank also thinks it's hilarious to wait until the litter tray has just been changed before producing the biggest and smelliest poohs. 
Frank's idea of comedy gold is neither comedy or gold but Christmas is coming and with all that tinsel this will all change. 
Pics to follow.

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